Category: Parent Talk
Hi all,
I have a nearly 3 year old son Noah, who is beautiful and wonderful.
I've struggled with infertility for years, and specifically for 2, trying to give Noah a sibling.
We've tried several treatment options but none worked and now its time to move on to the fertility specialist.
Its very costly though and that's why we need your help.
Any help you can offeris greatly appreciated.
Just visit this website.
http://gfwd.at/1tjYokR
Thank you.
Jessica and family
there are agentcies here you can go adopt out a child and things like that.leave me a messaage eather on here or in my email at amissprincessvanessa@gmail.com
Please, read the OP? Heh.
you do not make sance lasst poster.
I think what Post 2 was saying, fertility treatments aren't the only option. In fact, they can be quite painful for the woman.
But there are a lot of unwanted children waiting for adoption, and that is a wonderful way to grow your family.
You have one. Are you sure the fault is yours and not your man's?
just letting you know the it could be the mans problem to. I am not trying to be mean at all. aBut I know of a woman that had a child and she want to have more children but she is not able to do so. there can be many reasons why this is caused. If the person has high or low blood pressure that can be a case why you are not able to conseeve eather.
I'm sorry, but you're only 24, seriously?
The reason I talked about the man is many times the conceiving issues blamed on the woman, especially if you've already had one.
The man never gets tested, so just assumes his sperm count is good, and he's able to produce.
That isn't always the case.
I knew one couple that did everything on the woman's side to get her pregnant. Soon as she switched lovers, she was pregnant within 2 months.
So, test all the bases.
Last, some women just don't have kids bam, bam, bam. Maybe this is natures way of slowing the process down.
You should be happy that you have one child... some couples try for years, only
to end up childless.
I've been trying for over two years to have a baby and lost my first pregnancy
earlier this summer. I'm over 40, so I don't know how much time I have left -
even IVF may not be an option for me - and I would be over the moon to just
have a healthy child.
Is it responsible of you to have another child if you do not have the financial resources to do the treatments on your own?
RE: the man being more likely to be infertile.
I'm not being misandric to say this, but Wayne is absolutely right. Testicles and sperm are very delicate, and they are also external. Too high or too low a temperature is all it takes to render the sperm count too low or the resultant sperm DOA or otherwise defective.
Also, the consumption of alcohol and drugs at the time of attempted conception matters, more for the male than for the female. The sperm must travel, of their own locomotive effort, to meet with the egg, which means they must be healthy.
I am deliberately made infertile after we had one child.
But I have never heard of a case for a woman at age 25 to get fertility treatments. Also the male in the situation should be tested. At most it's an embarrassment, and at least it is even possible to make the sample at home and turn it in.
All sociocultural norms aside, it's statistically far more likely that the male is unable, or wears tight pants, or any number of other factors, which prevent virile sperm from making contact with the egg.
Now with the 'boring old science' out of the way:
We only had one, she just celebrated her 20th birthday, so at least physically is no longer a teenager. I regret none of it, in particular I do not regret having only had one. Due to geography -- where we lived, the Wife was subjected for a time to primitive and savage peer pressures to conceive again, because of certain archaic religious constraints by people. By that time, fortunately, I was already sterile. But, we left the savagery behind, and while the local natives may continue to clamor about such things, we caqme back to our own home state, and She doesn't regret it at all. At the time, of course, there were 'concerns' by some of these lesser educateds about this stuff. All the mythology against a only child is just that, mythology. Mythology usually perpetuated by folk who didn't plan, and are now financially and emotionally way over their head, and perhaps jealous of the rest of us. Sounds harsh, but in my experience and observation, at least in some quarters, appeared to me to be true.
Now as to the cost-prohibitive nature, Jared put it right out there, and it's seen as impolite to say so, but he's right. Again, there was an instance where the Wife considered that we should adopt a little girl from a certain family situation. Admittedly, there were a lot of ways in which I didn't handle that situation well, to be truthful, I handled it as little as possible. Except one: Consultation with a lawyer to see how we would proceed with this private adoption, and what the costs were. I'll tell you, in our situation then, it was cost-prohibitive. I could not, at one sitting, raise 15 to 25 thousand dollars for legal expenses, inspections, and other fees. With an understanding of the total, I thanked him and explained this was beyond our ability to pay. Sure, he made mention of ways you could write to get grant money for this. But it struk me at the time, these types of obstacles are not always there to be surmounted. Perhaps it was an indication we simply weren't a fit. If I had, for instance, started work on writing for grants or however you call it, that's like taking on a second part-time job. So then my own duties at home after work would be compromised, when I might well most be needed, us having a new one at home, or at least preparing for one.
I tell you this, because I have been here.
Did I make a lot of mistakes? Yes, nothing I did would be Class A relationship material. I wasn't exactly a dick about it, but, evasive. But I believe, to this day, that I was right to count the cost. After all, little one comes home, I owe 15 to 25 thousand dollars, minus whatever I could squeeze from a grant here or there. And now we have to get a room set up for a baby, start all over with the baby supplies, no luck with breastmilk since the mother isn't lactating, so that means formula and diapers. Add to that, you have the needs of the older child who is already there, whose needs compound as they get older. There were a lot of factors that would come in to play here, and it was my impression that buying the legal services to make the adoption happen were just an indicator.
I hope this makes sense. Disagree or agree, or be indifferent, but at least it cannot be said I speak from inexperience in this situation.
I've got to say, I completely agree with the last two posts.
Post 10, I could have written, myself! May drop you a line in a pm, if that's okay. I am 41, have been trying for over five years, nada, and have been through all kinds of invasive, expensive things. I have no one to commiserate with, on this.
sorry, my pathetic situation has little to do with the OP.
Just want to say to other posters that adoption is not an easy answer or alternative for having one's own bio child, so stop tossing that out there like it's the golden solution. They aren't just waiting to hand you a child, and especially not if you're a disabled parent.
Post 11, really tacky to judge someone else's financial situation, and their ability to parent, based on that. These treatments are a black hole that can eat up thousands of dollars. Most people don't have $20,000 lying around, but do have resources enough to care for a child.
Adoption and surrogacy arrangements are very costly and emotionally wrenching and draining propositions; it isn't feasible for everyone just to run out and do that. I suppose if one happens to know of someone willing to engage in a private adoption, or a surrogate arrangement, that would simplify matters somewhat. If anyone knows of such, call me. LOL
Okay, enough from me, I think.
I'm willing. When will you adopt me? Smile.
Sorry, the silly is out.
Do you know of anybody who would perhaps be a surrogate for you? Any close friends
that would be willing to carry for you?
There are a lot of benefits to having an only child. Personally, I was for seven years, and my entire life changed after my brother was born.
Don't get me wrong, I love him, but sometimes, it can really hurt the older child to have a younger sibling. Of course, Noah would at best case scenario be four when you have your second child, but I'd encourage you to think on this.
I was an only child for almost eight years of my life, and for some kids, myself included, this was how I thrived. It doesn't take much to fall into the younger child's shadow where affection is concerned, and it can be quite detrimental, to be honest. Given that you guys are a young family, perhaps it is a good idea to just revel in the love of one little boy instead of dealing with the stress of this infertility situation?
I wish you the best in having another child, if this is what transpires. Regardless of your decisions and tactics, I hope this perspective from someone who is in what could be Noah's situation is of help to you.
some people have said that RBM was wrong for the point he made in his post, but he was spot-on.
if people are not even financially able to come up with the money to have another child, they are in no position to care for another child.
hmmm, funny that the OP has not said a single thing except to ask for money? Pondering.
To post 15 maybe if you don't have $20000 in savings between both people you shouldn't be having a child? I know financial stability is a requirement in anyone I date, I learned that one the hard way.
Nope, RBM is right. In my aforementioned post I admitted as much, that financially we weren't ready to adopt. My attitude was seen as soulless by some of the native population where we lived, but I can live with having no soul far more readily than living with putting the family in jeopardy for another child, who would by definition also have their life situation challenged by it.
Finances play a huge part of why we do things, because finances is how we ... finance things. If I had to pull a second job or something, or the Wife did, then the kids don't get the kind of attention they deserve, all the while we're trying to work out this ideal.
I don't believe in 'meant to be' and all that. But you can use your head and figure it out. I don't think RBM is being tacky at all.
Oh, and a mother and father don't have an instinct to their blood child. Because as humans we don't have instincts period, or at least very few. You bond with the child you're with, as a parent. It's directly related to how much time you spend with that child, and nothing else. Otherwise fathers would have no bond at all, since it's impossible biologically for a man to automagically know the child is of his DNA. I mean in a total biological sense without the relationship.
It doesn't require 20 K to raise a child. You only need money to take care of the day to day, or monthly cost.
That isn't much until they get able to ask for cars and such.
These are optional depending on if you can afford them.
How many people, and young people at that, have 20 K in a savings, or even have a savings, or banking account?
Food, shelter, anc clotheing, medical, is pretty easy if you are already taking care of yourself well.
So, in this case the money to create and the money to support are different.
I stand on the bases of she has one already, so she is probably fertile, just need the sperm to work.
If she didn't have one, I'd wonder.
That child is not vary old at all, and neigher is she, so with time I'll bet she'll produce others.
It is truly fair for both partners to be tested if babies are what they desire and feel they are not having them as fast as they'd like.
In many cases, as I've stated, only the woman is said, or thought to be at fault.
She has not come back and said her mate had been tested, so I'm still wondering.
All of the following assumes planned pregnancies, when there unplanned I assume you just role with the punches. Assuming equality in income each person in the relationship only needs $10000 in savings. Assuming a college education and that you are willing to count your retirement as savings in case of an emergency this is not unrealistic at all assuming you didn't go into massive unnecessary student loan debt. There is a difference between living paycheck to paycheck and having a safety net. I would not want to have a child if I did not have some kind of savings to get through temporary unemployment etc. I realize you can't plan for every eventuality and that given a string of unfortionate circumstances even the most careful plans can go to hell but it isn't unreasonable to try and plan for the 80% of things that are most likely to happen.
Financial support of a child just isn't that difficult. It is pretty easy actually.
I agree, that 20000 is different to raising a child, however, if you read the link she put in her post, she says they are both college students on disability.
Now, imo, that's tight money. I mean you're paying for school, or even if you're not, it's taking time away from your children. And you have to feed yourselves and one child already. I'm not saying never have another child, that's not my right to decide. But honestly, i'd advise waiting until you're both done with school at least.
My dad graduated when I was 2. He worked, as well as studying which is how we survived, and my mum cared for me and my sister so we didn't have to pay for childcare. At one stage he was working 3 jobs and was in school.
I don't really remember it, but I've talked to my mum. Things were difficult for them, they were 2 people earning very little money and having to make decisions about what we could afford to buy, including food and things.
We survived partly because we lived in the country and so grew vegetables and things like that.
I'm not saying it would be that difficult...but it wouldn't be easy, either.